Diya is a 25 years old young woman who works as a Marketing head in a reputed firm. She is confident, driven, and compassionate. However, when it comes to her personal relationships she often finds herself feeling desperately confused and lost.
Diya has a history of being in toxic relationships. In hindsight, they have shaped her into the woman she is today but not without ruining her emotional and mental health for the longest time.
She believes that she has lost many precious years of her life in chasing men who only left her feeling more broken and empty from the inside. She searches for love but maybe she searches in all the wrong places.
Many men and women can relate to Diya’s story. We are often blindsided by love and make choices that ultimately become the biggest mistakes of our lives.
Then we find ourselves fiddling over the questions, “Why do I only attract toxic relationships? Is it me? Am I the problem?
Well, understanding why you are more prone to toxic relationships can help you to break the cycle and invite fulfilling relationships in your life.
You Could Have Developed an Insecure Attachment Style
According to the madly popular Attachment Theory, the way you relate to your primary caregivers during your childhood years has a major impact on the quality of your adult relationships.
Diya had a troubled relationship with her father. Although he provided materialistic needs, he mostly remained emotionally absent. She has a hard time recalling moments when her father was affectionate toward her.
Moreover, her parents also had a conflicted marriage. She was brought up in a household where an unhealthy marriage was considered a norm. Her emotional needs were unmet and from a very young age, she became independent and avoided seeking emotional support from others.
Fast-forward to her adult relationships, she finds it difficult to trust her partners. She believes that just like her father even they will fail to satisfy her emotional needs, and hence chooses to remain guarded and emotionally distant.
If you have developed an insecure attachment style then there are high chances that you also have an intense fear of abandonment and rejection but at the same time an increasing dependency on your partner.
You fear losing them but at the same time, their presence could also suffocate you.
Such relationship patterns gradually become unhealthy and leave you feeling dissatisfied and ‘stuck’.
It is important to break free from your childhood experiences and redefine the way you relate to others. And therapy can give you the support and guidance you need to do that.
In order to become secure in your relationships, it is important to understand who you are and what you need from your relationships. Therapy will help you to build your self-confidence, break your own toxic patterns and be emotionally prepared to let go of toxic relationships.
Past Karmic Connections
Let’s understand why you repeatedly find yourself in toxic relationships from a spiritual point of view.
Toxic relationships are often karmic relationships that we need to experience in order to move forward in our soul journey. There are certain lessons that we need to learn. When we refuse to accept these lessons, they keep repeating until we finally understand them.
These karmic relationships are often carried with us for many lifetimes. For instance, Ajay shared a strained relationship with his mother. When he did past life regression therapy, he saw that in his past life, his mother was his uncle.
Ajay’s uncle had tried to kill him. Now, that karmic tie was carried in his present life. When Ajay cleared the stuck past karma with the guidance of his past life regression therapist, he was able to heal the relationship with his mother. (Read Full Story)
Karmic relationships are difficult, painful, and chaotic. Hence, it is possible that you repeatedly attract toxic relationships because there is past karma that you need to resolve.
Moreover, twin-flame relationships could also be disguised as toxic relationships. Twin flames are two souls that share a high resemblance with each other. They are basically two mirrors who show each other a reality that they have ignored for too long.
Binita and Dan were twin flames. Initially, they shared a toxic relationship with each other. It was difficult to even breathe in that relationship. It forced them to look at their own flaws, mistakes, and imperfections and do the inner work.
Binita and Dan had to dissolve their egos in order to truly connect with each other.
At times, toxic relationships often reveal our own unhealthy behaviors, thoughts, and actions. Doing the deep work could be the only way out of toxic relationships.
Lastly, you repeatedly attract toxic relationships because they feel familiar. Our brains are wired to seek a path that feels familiar because it knows what to expect and how to navigate that path.
For Disha, being with an emotionally unavailable man was a familiar situation. Her father seldom showed affection and care. She was used to that form of treatment and hence attracted men who treated her in the same way.
Breaking the familiar patterns can give rise to fears and anxiety because you would be stepping into the unknown. It requires new perspectives, more resources, and emotional resilience.
However, stepping out of what you have known for many years and stepping into the unknown can be the challenge you need to break away from the cycle of toxic relationships.
If you are finding it confusing and difficult to move away from toxic relationships then you can always seek support and guidance from an expert therapist. Therapy offers a space where you can become more self-aware and bring in new perspectives. This can help you to break the patterns and attract better and healthy love
Staying in a toxic relationship can break you in emotional, mental, and even physical ways. At times, it could be difficult to move away from such relationships because of our own attachment styles, low self-esteem, and the ‘need’ to seek familiar situations.
Taking therapy can help you to understand why you are attracted to toxic relationships and change your mindset so that you can heal from such relationships and develop more fulfilling ones in the future.
Another possible explanation for attracting toxic relationships could be traced back to your previous lives. Unresolved conflicts, past karma, or twin flame relationships often manifest in the form of toxic relationships.
Past life regression therapy can help you clear the past karma, heal your karmic connections and make space for nourishing relationships.